As a child I would often pretend someone I really liked and or admired was watching me. I would act really cool and practise being "liked".
My imagination would take me off into a place where my actions were affirmed.
I remember classmates asking me where I was...as I I'd drift off into a day dream and be sitting there smiling at what seemed like nothing to the outside eye.
I had other adults seem annoyed at me telling me I was in a world of my own.
This imagination was my friend..in a world where friend's were few and far between. It was my false self worth production.
I found myself imagining others watching me "being cool" well into my teens and even adulthood.
It became a strange habit that was hard to get rid of.
I am not sure what to make of this. I am sure it is normal for someone with my history of not fitting in and being picked on.
I am yet to research it. I will get back to this thought soon.
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