God is working through my prayers

I did not end up seeing the visiting family member who has hurt me many times in the past. I listened to my heart and I listened to my God and I knew despite how it might make her feel I had to follow God first. It was not worth me risking being mistreated again. Not this time.

She is not a vicious person. Just cold and unpleasant. I do love her very much. But I do not love nor appreciate the way she treats me.  This has gone on for about 8 years now and I am over it. It is OK to be done with being mistreated. It is OK to stand against meanness. No matter who I may offend in the process. After all it is my heart and my emotions at risk here, not anyone else's.

Wow look at me. If only I could have said this to my young self who begged for friendship from people who were once my friend, like in Year 3 and than later denied being friends with me in high school due to my UN-popularity.

I felt bad about not seeing her and her child. But God lead me to stay safe this time. This was not a battle he wanted me to enter into at this time. I enjoyed spending time with my loving heavenly father instead. I visited my dear friend Emily and I so enjoyed chatting with her while we painted her bathroom. Painting is very therapeutic for me, especially while painting with a friend.

It felt good to paint in safety. While deep down I prayed this family member and I could somehow rekindle a relationship with her. We too once painted Aunt Cindy's kitchen. This was before I was married. This was when she seemed to like me and I did not annoy her. Although I am not sure how I annoy her now. Just being myself seems to get under her skin.

I prayed and asked God if I should email her and apologize for my absence. I felt badly when Micah told me my nephew asked how I was. Yet God told me to wait till she emailed me first. Ok so I waited. Honestly I was totally expecting this family member not to email. Yet to my surprise, just as God said she would, she emailed. Not me but my husband.

Her email seemed sincere in her willingness to make peace and apologize.  She guessed my absence was due to her and I not having a good relationship. After praying and getting over the shock of her seemingly humble email I was able to email her back and be honest.

Maybe I was a little too honest. Yet it felt good to bring my hidden cards to the table.

I told her I was not strong enough to handle her anymore. I told her I feel rejected by her and that she may not know this, but I was bullied for many many years and her behavior triggers nightmares and mild panic attack symptoms. I told her I also suffer form PTSD symptoms form my past.

Gosh it is hard to be open and vulnerable with someone who you just do not trust to handle your heart with the care it deserves. I was worried I shocked her.

She emailed back and said she needed some time to process this info. I do not know how she feels about it. But it is the truth and I felt the Lord lead me to share it even if it made her feel very uncomfortable.

I eventually told her after waiting for her reply that I no longer wanted to sort out our differences over email, Skype or phone. I needed to wait till I saw her in person. It may be the summer or not till Christmas. Yet Jeremy and I strongly believe and feel the Lord leading that this is the best way to confront, and hopefully make up is in person.

I have not gotten any apology. She may not say sorry after all. But I am praying daily for her and forgiving her daily. Sometimes forgiveness is a journey.

It is OK for me to have boundaries. It ids OK for me to stand against being treated poorly. I am worth more to God than that. My loving heavenly father continues to remind me I am his chosen one, dearly loved and more precious to him that the most expensive jewels. ( put in verse texts).

I enjoyed listening to Joyce Meyer teach on borders and boundaries. I took heaps of notes. God was leading me to finally have boundaries with this person.

The Lord will fight on my behalf. I watched the movie War Room recently and felt very encouraged to keep fighting in prayer for her, our relationship and not against her, though I still feel mad at her and her lack of apology. I do not trust her but I trust the Lord who is the one who created unity.
Psalm 133:1 "Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity."...sisters in our case.

I have posted more verses in my prayer room/office. Off to war I go. You will be defeated Satin! Oh, wait you already are!!