"Fitting in" is OVERRATED!!

I have just decided I am going to give up the need to "fit in".

This has been a long time struggle for me. I have desperately longed to fit in from kindergarten to high school.
Yet never seemed to feel as though I did.

Thankfully I always had at least one friend. Mostly a few who were often in the bottom ranks of the popularity chain with me.

Don't ya hate "popularity hierarchy's" in schools!

Especially for the perpetual dorks like myself. Those who were bullied. Sometimes left out on purpose.

Recently I have been looking up people from my graduating high school year of 1998. It's our 20 year reunion this year. Crazy 20 year's!

It's been hard for me to look people up. Interesting, yet hard. I'm trying to heal from PTSD. I'm trying to find healing for the deepest parts of my heart that were bullied and rejected.

Thankfully this high school was the "safest" school out of all of them.
Yet I was still called a geek at times. Still picked on and ostracized by my peers from my childhood town.
I was still left out or rejected by primary school friend's who had somehow climbed their way up the popularity chain and were ashamed of me at high school.

I began to feel afraid to go to sleep. I have been having constant nightmares for 2 months now. Ever since I began therapy for the first time for my PTSD.

I was eating too much before bed out of a need too numb these old wounds that I had burried so deep in my heart and soul I had no idea how to process them.

I stopped following the Facebook group.

Then God in his goodness touched my heart with this revelation. I knew it was him. He is the only one who touches my pain with this depth of healing.

Nobody can possibly fit in with everyone all the time!

So I'm going to let that dangerous expectation go. I've held onto this belief and standard that I am not ok until everyone likes me for far too long.

But that's totally unrealistic and unfair to myself.

I'm going to release myself from the pressure of this lie!

God has given me beautiful friend's in both Australia and America.
Also a few in Scotland.

He has blessed me with faithful heart to heart friend's who no longer abandon me for a more popular crowd.
I have their back and they have mine.

Good bye "fitting in" lie.
I don't need you anymore.
I never did.