I like dorks and dorky movies!

I just watched a movie on you tube and heard a great quote about dorks.

I really enjoy movies where "dorks" are either highly esteemed or triumph in the end.

Some of my favourites are X-Men, Napoleonn Dynamite and 13 Going On 30.

This movie, Taken Away, was nothing about dorks. It was about an adoption story.

But it briefly referred to a falling in love scene between a previous rebellious teen girl and a confident dorky boy.

The girl told the boy he was a dork.
He did not try to earn her approval even though he was attracted to her. He simply turned too walk away as he did not appreciate her insult.

I loved this scene alone. He had dignity and self respect.

But the girl redeemed herself and said
"I like dorks. Dorks are different. They are free thinkers. They don't follow other's they make their own path."

Wow! Sure wish I was that proud too be a dork when I was in my late teens.

I'm sure proud of it now!

Christian "magical thinking"

I just heard this awesome quote from Patrick Doyle on how Christians often think this common
Thought "it will all work out".

That saying used to bug me when my mum said it.

I mean she's right sometimes it really will all work out and you just need to wait on God and trust him to work on your behalf in whatever difficulty your may be facing.

Other times however, it's really just ignoring the problem. Otherwise known as denial.

Today I had to confront a neighbour over his recent bad behaviour.

My therapist encouraged me to do this. I've had way too many bullies walk all over me and it feels so good to not be that little girl stuck in the middle of home abuse, classroom, church or community bullying.

I have a voice now my therapist reminded me. I can make "safe" choices. I am not stuck with any bully anymore.

Recently my neighbour came over drunk. He sat on our field while our other neighbours were having a party. We have five acres and honestly did not know who he was at first.

We were all concerned. But it got worse once we identified him. He came stumbling over to our yard "drunk as a skunk".

He honestly looked ridiculous. I began to feel fearful. Drunk people trigger my PTSD. As many times my bullies including my brother and uncle were drunk when they emotionally wounded me.

He began to argue with my husband and I over petty things like gardening and when we should put our kids to bed.

He pulled a dead chipmunk out of his back pack in front of my kids telling us his dog killed it.

Ah not ok! My mummy bear alarm bells are going off now.

Needless to say his dog often comes over with him unannounced and we have free range chickens and cats to think of.

This guy really needed some boundaries! Since we did not have any physical boundaries around our farm like a fence I had to do it verbally.

I decided to write him a letter. Rather than comfront him in person. I took Patrick Doyle's advice on this one. Then I did not have to be present for his reaction. Plus hopefully he could read it while sober.

I told him he was NOT to come over unannounced, bring his dog or come drunk.

I have my kid's and animal's to protect. Plus myself. Jeremy sometimes goes out of town for a few weeks for work. So I did not want him coming over while I was alone with my kid's.

It felt good to be honestly firm. To no longer be a doormat.

As Patrick Doyle says.."if you don't deal with the conflict in the relationship it's not going to get better on it's own".

I think I am really coming out of this so called
"Christian magical thinking". Sadly this is so common in churches and either preached or implied from the pulpit.
Patrick referred to these common statements.
"The Lord will fix it"  or
"The Lord will take care of it".
Which is really spiritualising denial.

I highly recommend Patrick Doyle's talk on
You Tube called "Difficult Relationships".

It set me free to confront in love when needed!

"Fitting in" is OVERRATED!!

I have just decided I am going to give up the need to "fit in".

This has been a long time struggle for me. I have desperately longed to fit in from kindergarten to high school.
Yet never seemed to feel as though I did.

Thankfully I always had at least one friend. Mostly a few who were often in the bottom ranks of the popularity chain with me.

Don't ya hate "popularity hierarchy's" in schools!

Especially for the perpetual dorks like myself. Those who were bullied. Sometimes left out on purpose.

Recently I have been looking up people from my graduating high school year of 1998. It's our 20 year reunion this year. Crazy 20 year's!

It's been hard for me to look people up. Interesting, yet hard. I'm trying to heal from PTSD. I'm trying to find healing for the deepest parts of my heart that were bullied and rejected.

Thankfully this high school was the "safest" school out of all of them.
Yet I was still called a geek at times. Still picked on and ostracized by my peers from my childhood town.
I was still left out or rejected by primary school friend's who had somehow climbed their way up the popularity chain and were ashamed of me at high school.

I began to feel afraid to go to sleep. I have been having constant nightmares for 2 months now. Ever since I began therapy for the first time for my PTSD.

I was eating too much before bed out of a need too numb these old wounds that I had burried so deep in my heart and soul I had no idea how to process them.

I stopped following the Facebook group.

Then God in his goodness touched my heart with this revelation. I knew it was him. He is the only one who touches my pain with this depth of healing.

Nobody can possibly fit in with everyone all the time!

So I'm going to let that dangerous expectation go. I've held onto this belief and standard that I am not ok until everyone likes me for far too long.

But that's totally unrealistic and unfair to myself.

I'm going to release myself from the pressure of this lie!

God has given me beautiful friend's in both Australia and America.
Also a few in Scotland.

He has blessed me with faithful heart to heart friend's who no longer abandon me for a more popular crowd.
I have their back and they have mine.

Good bye "fitting in" lie.
I don't need you anymore.
I never did.

Is it really VICTORY or denial?

I have listening to more Patrick Doyle messages online.

My Most recent one is anxiety and like all his other messages or You Tube clips I have listened too this one has been incredibly helpful.

It has reminded me the importance of choosing safe relationships in this season of healing.

Here is what I learned from Patrick on "victory" or the Christian pretence of it.

"Victory" as a Christian term can put a lot of pressure on people to be "all done" with their healing journey. When they may still be on the road to recovery.
It's ok to take all the time YOU need to heal! There is no rush or time limit.

Patrick said this statement that resonated so strongly with me and my current social anxiety struggles.

"Instead of having the freedom to honestly struggle we have to look for a certain way and that creates anxiety."

This is exactly how I currently feel at church and at my in-laws house.
I feel this tremendous pressure to at least appear to have it all together so they can be more comfortable around me.
I feel pressure too "fake fine" to fit in.

All of this pressure triggers anxiety and triggers my PTSD.

So I'm praying for God to show me which path to take. He has beautifully provided for my healing journey so far. I can continue to trust him.

Just this morning God encouraged my heart When my daughter was crying at a new VBS (Vacation bible school). My kids have never been to a VBS in this country. Only holiday clubs in Australia. It was yet another new and daunting experience we had too bravely face.
I felt the leaders were pushing aside her fears and tears as telling us both "she will have fun" but not really hearing our discouraged hearts.

I pulled Lucy aside to try encourage her when my own heart was hurting too.

Then an old friend appeared out of no where. She had a daughter Lucy's age who Lucy knew as a baby/toddler. She encouraged us that her daughter had also been crying as she did not have any friends either.

My friend Fran re-introduced Lucy to her daughter Juliet and Lucy's teary face lit up.

Juliet took Lucy by the hand and they say down.

I was able to leave in peace.

Micah still looked lost and down so I've been praying for him since.

I'm trying to remind myself God is faithful. He will provide safe, loving friendships for us. He already has and he will continue to do so.

God will not reject me or you...EVER!

Whoever, those the Father has given me will come to me, and I will never reject them.
John 6:37 NLT

Though Jesus we are "NEVER" rejected!

Even if some people may not understand or get me in my time of healing, God does. You will never reject me.

Amen!

After all I'm following God on this beautiful healing journey. NOT man. No matter what they may or may not think about it.

What a relief to soak in this reality.
What pure joy and true freedom!

He will restore, support and strengthen me

In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. 1 Peter 5:10 NLT https://bible.com/bible/116/1pe.5.10.NLT

This verse was on my verse of the day (bible app).
It came at just the right time. As it often does.

I had been worrying the night before about how we were going to get family support. My mother in- law has been working full time and just got diagnosed with arthritis. She's recently been working over time. Jeremy and I don't have the heart too ask her to watch our kids.

Jeremy is working from home heaps. So that is great. Gives me a break and helps me to go to therapy and bible studies, support groups and just mum out time.

But what about dates?
I'm really looking fwd to getting to know the high school teens who also go to my kid's school and hopefully hiring a few them as sitters.
It's just not on our budget to pay for much babysitting.

As I read this verse I suddenly zoomed in on the word "support". This passage of scripture encouraged my heart that God does want to support me. He also longs to strengthen me and restore me. It goes on to say God will place me on a firm foundation. Hope began to fill my heart. It takes much time to adjust to another country. Even if I have lived in the USA before, this is a whole new season with school aged kiddos and owning and running a small farm. I really need support, strengthening, restoration and a firm foundation in this season of transition and change.

I opened my bible. My paper bible 😀 and read other uplifting verses. God is so good!

"Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name".

I am currently in much therapy. I'm not seeing people who may be unsafe for me right now. Including certain extended family members and even our huge church. Theses are both triggers for my PTSD. I'm in a healing season. I do not need to be ashamed of the current nightmares or the time it takes to heal. I can still glorify God! After all it was not him who inflicted my past pain upon me. He is truly my loving father leading me down this road of healing! I'm so incredibly thankful.

Another Precious "Peter" verse to encourage my healing heart is this one..
"Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you".

I can trust him. He will take all my social anxieties. I can cast every single little care on him and trust him with my whole heart.

There is none other like him. He is my all and my truest love. My faithful friend ever true.

Jesus understands my pain. I long to comfort others

How To Hold A Hurting Heart

ALICIA BRUXVOORT

When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled … They told him, ‘Lord, come and see.’ Then Jesus wept.” John 11:33, 34b-35 (NLT)

What strikes me most about Jesus’ response to Mary’s grief isn’t what He says. It’s what He doesn’t say.

Think about it — Jesus knows Mary’s weeping will soon turn to joy. He knows that He’s going to bring her brother back to life, and all the tears will be trumped by cheers. But Jesus doesn’t use the hope of a better tomorrow to avoid the imminent pain of today.

But Scripture reminds us we aren’t called to resolve someone’s tribulation; we’re commanded to share the gift of consolation.

To be honest, Jesus’ example challenges me to consider how I walk with the hurting people in my life. Grief can feel uncomfortable and awkward. And far too often, I want to fix someone’s struggle instead of share in their pain.

But Scripture reminds us we aren’t called to resolve someone’s tribulation; we’re commanded to share the gift of consolation.

Second Corinthians 1:3b-4 says, “… the God of all comfort … consoles us as we endure the pain and hardship of life so that we may draw from His comfort and share it with others in their own struggles” (VOICE).

We who’ve known the compassion of our heavenly Father are equipped to bring His comfort into any storm. We don’t need to worry about what to say — our imperfect presence often speaks louder than our perfect words. We just need to say yes to walking in the rain.

Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” (ESV)

Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are those who mourn — they will be comforted.” (VOICE)

Jeremiah 31:13b, “For I will turn their mourning into joy. I will comfort My people and replace their sorrow with gladness.” (VOICE)

This devotional really encouraged my heart. Alicia told the story of her being an angry, hurt teenager and took out het pain on her mum and sister. She then went for an angry walk in the rain. Her mum met her in the rain an bff walked with her As Jesus walked with others in their pain.

This is so true:

But Scripture reminds us we aren’t called to resolve someone’s tribulation; we’re commanded to share the gift of consolation.

Rather, Jesus holds Mary’s heart before He heals it. He enters her pain before He restores her peace.

Lord please help me treat my hurting friends in this way. Please remind me to choose 'safe' friend's and family when I'm hurting.

Pain is precious to you. Mau it be handled with the tender loving care it deserves.