For anxiety, panic attacks & sleeplessness

I just listened to the most beautiful spontaneous workshop song by Bethal music. Sung by Amanda Cook Steffany Gretsinger.
It's called "Our Breath Back".

Add video..*****

It spoke so deeply and gently to my heart. It gave my heart so much hope for those times when I struggle with PTSD symptoms including nightmares and panic attacks.

For the tines when my social anxieties felt so incredibly restrictive because I was so afraid of being hurt again. Being rejected again. Being bullied again.

He is with us and it just soothes my heart. I'm praying for you all. This group of precious teenagers whom the Lord has placed on my heart. To those who struggle with self rejection, self harm and suicidal thoughts. Those who too have been bullied and are working on renewing your minds like I am to who God really sees you as.

This is before I have met some of you.

I'm here on the journey with you. I'm drawing closer to God and so will you.

I love you all. God loves you all so much more than anyone. He is close to your pain.

Righteousness verses Rejection

I recently cried out another prayer to my heavenly Father.

"Lord please turn my past and present rejections into reminding me of my righteousness in you"

Father, HELP righteousness speak louder than rejection!

I prayed this after I felt rejected by two ladies in one day. One who I am friends with and one who I am not.

One of these woman is a huge trigger to my past. She reminds me of a woman in my past who under the influence of a Pastor I was bullied by, who was also cold and mean to me. Her personality was strong and I felt lorded over. At a time when I was barely in my twenties and felt so insecure. This was back when I still did not recognise a bully. I had been bullied for 90% of my life at this point and I simply could not see bullying for what it was. Sadly it was when I was so painfully hard on myself I thought I deserved it.

I prayed some desperate prayers as I felt those same nervous PTSD panic symptoms rise up in my entire being faster than my brain and heart could catch up with.

LORD, I prayed, Please help me with those sorts of personalities. Who remind me of painful people in my past. God please use the pain of my past for your glory!

Then God in his goodness lead me to some beautifully healing verses over the next few days. One was when I listened to the painful testimony of Joyce Meyer.

She mentioned a transforming verse that gives so much hope to a heart that has been bullied.
Isaiah 61:7 "Instead of your [former] shame you shall have a twofold recompence; instead of dishonour and reproach [your people] shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double [what they had forfeited]: everlasting joy shall be theirs. "

 Woohooo! God really does care. He really wants to rebuild the damage done to us, restore the former devaestations, and repair places in our heart that have been ruined by the mistreatment of others to our soul (Isaiah 61:4) and exchange our ashes for his beauty (Isaiah 61:3).

Please remember with me that you and I are chosen, precious and valuable to God.

As it says in 1 Peter 2:4 "As you came to Him a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious"

So we can hold our heads high in the fact that we are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. We are accepted by our Heavenly Father even when we do not feel it or experience it form others.

People are fickle. But God is not.

Here is another verse the Lord used to uplift my heart ad I hope it does for you too.

Deuteronomy 31:6 "So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you."

God will not ever leave you or fail you. You can trust him. He will not let you down. Not once.

So hold your head high. You are so valuable. God thinks your awesome and so do I. Look to what God thinks of you, not what others may or may not think of you.

It will set you free. I am working on it myself!

My Prayer over my Past and his Purposes

This is my earnest my heart felt prayer for God to use the pain of my past for his purposes.

I told my Mum I would tell my story. I also told a Tim Hazzard, high school chaplain that I admired that I would share my story and all it's pain. Tim really encouraged me to share my story as he had come across so many teenagers who were either self rejecting, self harming or close to suicide as I once was.

I gave these two incredibly Godly people my word. Both are now in heaven. Both have probably told God himself what I had promised them I would do.

So being true to my word I prayed this prayer this morning with all my heart and soul. My heart aches for those who reject themselves, harm themselves or have either attempted suicide or have considered it due to the pain of bullying they have endured.

So here is my prayer and declaration;

My Prayer For God to Use the Pain Of My Past For His Purposes



God please use the pain of my past from being bullied to restore, save and heal other lives form the destruction of self rejection, self harm and suicide or bullycide.

Use my pain for your purposes. Just like it says in Genesis 50:19-21

Genesis 50:19-21:
But Joseph said to them
"do not fear, for I am in the place of God . As for you , you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive as they are today. So do not fear for I will provide for you and your little ones".
Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.

This is the story in the bible where Joseph, the youngest of many brothers was also rejected and thrown into a pit. He was sold into slavery. It gets even worse though. He was accused of commiting a crime he did not do and thrown into jail. Later God promoted him to the Pharoh's right hand man and he helped rule over all of Egypt including his brothers. You have probably read the story in the bible for yourself.
His kindness and forgiveness were incredible. God turned the evil done towards me into His good and I know He wants to do the same for me and you too!

No More "Reproach"..but what does that mean?

Today I was encouraged afresh by of my favourite verses.

I love how you can pick up a seemingly familiar verse and God touches your heart in such a way it feels like you are reading it for the first time.

Zephaniah 3:17-18
The Lord God is your midst,
a mighty one who will save:
He will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you with his love;
HE will exult over you with loud singing.
I will gather those who mourn for the festival,
so that you will no longer suffer reproach

Mmm, I think to myself. What does reproach mean? What do I no longer have to suffer from?

So I go to the dictionary and I am overjoyed at what I find. As it turns out I have suffered reproach many times and so have many others who have been bullied.

re·proach

rəˈprōCH/

verb

1. 1.

   address (someone) in such a way as to express disapproval or disappointment.

   "critics of the administration reproached the president for his failure to tackle the deficiency"

noun

1. 1.

   the expression of disapproval or disappointment.

   "he gave her a look of reproach"

It hurts to no end to have been rejected and have had people constantly address you with disapproval or disappointment. It hurts to no end. It takes time to rebuild your self worth after you have been bullied. I am still working on it. With God'd help I am reminding myself daily that I am one who is worthy to be rejoiced and sang over and so are you.

If I come across someone treating me with reproach now a days I can have boundaries. Particularly if I see them often or are related to them.

Oh my this brings so much freedom to my heart.

God is working. He really is and I have been leaping for joy across my farm at the ongoing victory He is leading me into. At the victory He will lead you into. The look on the cows faces is priceless! 

Zephaniah 3:19,20 

continues to bring much comfort and healing hope to my heart.

v.19a.Behold at that time I will deal with all your oppressors.

(Woohoo no more bullies are going to win over me any more)

And I will save the lame and gather the outcast,

(outcast as in rejected..by man but not by God!)

and I will change their shame into praise and renown in all the earth.

At that time I will bring you in, at the time when I gather you together

for I will make you renowned...mmm so I look up renowned in the dictionary and am again blown away

re·nowned

rəˈnound/

adjective

1. known or talked about by many people; famous.

   "a restaurant renowned for its Southwestern-style food"

   synonyms:

   famous, celebrated, famed, eminent, distinguished, acclaimed, illustrious, preeminent, prominent, great, esteemed, of note, of repute, well known, well-thought-of "a renowned Indian filmmaker"

v19b. and praised among all the peoples of the earth,

when I restore you fortunes before your eyes, says the LORD.

Yey! That gives me so much hope. Time for more cow dancing!

I really like how the classical amplified version words Zephaniah 3:20

Zephaniah 3:20 (AMPC)

At that time I will bring you in; yes, at that time I will gather you, for I will make you a name and a praise among all the nations of the earth when I reverse your captivity before your eyes, says the Lord.

He wants to reverse my captivity and or restore my fortunes. I mean at first I was not too concerned about my fortunes. I grew up poor and all but money is not going to help my heart out much. Although money can buy me some good counselling, Acceptance is not something you can buy.  

So together lets truly embrace this truth. For those of us who have endured painful bullying lets together remember who is on our side. Our BIG God who is mighty and able to save, love and nurture our broken hearts. 

Run to Him in your pain and I promise you He will meet you there.