Forgiveness after abuse

I have come to realise that being bullied is abuse.

I grew up with so much abuse. I was not beaten black and blue but I was still treated in a way that caused much harm.

Joyce Meyer defines it so well.
Abuse is defined as “to be misused, used improperly or to be wasted; to use in such a way as to cause harm or damage; to be treated cruelly.” Any time we are misused or used for a purpose other than what God intended, it’s damaging. And I realize many people can relate to this. 

Because if I have not gotten angry or dealt with how I really feel, how can i go from abuse to forgiveness?".

For more on her testimony see below.

Forgiveness used to be a burden for me as it never came easily. I often wondered why. I had a mean pastor tell me it was because I had a mean spirit or even a demon.
But she too was a bully. 

I once heard a kind pastor tell me
"forgiveness is a journey".
His words set me free.
I have been more kind and patient with myself ever since. Thanks Pastor Terry Creedy.

After all I had 20 straight years of abuse so of course I have many offenders to forgive. Only one has said sorry without any prompting. Another said sorry when confronted. The rest deny it happened.

Forgiveness takes time. I am honestly still working on layers. I am in my 8th session of therapy.
I have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).
I have only just received therapy for my PTSD starting in May this year.

I agree with what Oprah Winfrey said on abuse
"If you have not gotten angry or dealt with how I really feel, how can you go from abuse to forgiveness?".

Therapy helps me identify it was wrong and it reminds me what God told me 4 years ago when he reveled to my heart I had been bullied for 20 straight year's.
"I never meant that for you" and
"You were always worth more to me than the way they treated you".

The truth is I am worth more than bullying, mistreatment, abuse. So are you!

Trust me it is so empowering and self valuing to finally realise this.

Boundaries come easily when you value yourself. I no longer allow bullies into my life.

I'm about to read a book called:

"Forgiving what you'll never forget" BY: Dr. David Stoop

I'll let you know how it goes. So far so good.

The truth is God can help me and He can help you. We were not designed to live this life alone. He is here for us. He fights for us. Fro our weaknesses and frailties. For those areas of our hearts we just can't seem to put back together again. He holds our broken pieces of our hearts and healing only comes through him.

So I have decided to stop trying so hard to forgive and cast my burdens on him. I can't carry this anymore. What a relief to know God will do it for me. He's got this. He's got my back and yours.