I am really nervous to see a family member next Saturday. She has been subtly rude to me and other family members many times over the past 7 years. Honestly I feel really rejected by her. I have been worried about seeing her. I am not sure I will. Even though she is traveling a long way from another State to see Jeremy's big family. I do not think I'm strong enough to face her in this transitional season. I thank God my husband is loving and understanding. She just triggers the past in me too much. I feel trapped when I'm with her. I feel like I am stuck in a classroom of bullies again. She is just one person but she brings a negative vibe with her. She has been through much pain and loss. I am sad for how much loss she has suffered. Yet I have lost much too. Which is another reason why I'm just not strong enough to face her. I need some more counselling under my belt before I face her. With all this change and adjusting to life in the USA I have not had time to find more counselling. I am feeling too vulnerable right now.
I just googled how adult survivors of childhood bullying struggle with the pain of the past. It still bothers me. Especially people who I can not trust to be kind.
God is bigger than the below statistics. He has brought me so far. I have come through post traumatic stress reactions, I've come through incredible social challenges. Including being around one of my meanest childhood bullies who nursed my mother till her death. Talk about tough! But sometimes it's ok to say no. It's ok to say "I'm not ok to do this right now."
It's true what it says below. I struggle with isolation. I long to be with people I feel safe with. It takes me a long time to trust my heart with someone.
Yet I know God still chooses me. He said I am more than an overcomer. I hold on deadly to one of my favorite verses
1 Peter 2:4 "As you come to him a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious".
How Bullied Children Grow into Wounded Adults
A new longitudinal study finds children are affected by bullying throughout their lives—and reveals that even perpetrators can struggle as adults.
Thirty-eight percent of the 421 victims and bully-victims were chronically bullied—meaning that it kept happening throughout childhood. This subset often struggled the most, being poorer, less educated, and more isolated than everyone else.
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