This song really speaks to my heart. I love how the Irish singer introduces the song as he how people thought he was too broken. Yep me too. But God is bigger.
https://plus.google.com/share?url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ga5wTxF6Tc%26index=83%26list=PLAEq5ujOZ71qwqsQVtrh7LZ8pDWUHXxUv
Monday, January 29, 2018
Remembering How God Sees Me
This morning I heard a short testimony from Allison Allen on the Today show. Apparently she was an actress although I have not heard of her before.
I was about to tune out as this pretty woman who looked my age or younger, but was actually older than me. She looked too "Together". Then she began to pour her heart out. Despite her being in the spot light she often believed she was rejected or reject-able.
Wow me too!...without the spotlight that is.
God told her she was accepted in the beloved. She went on to say found his power is uniquely on her life when she stepped out in weakness.....Well there is some hope for me! I am about to do another Aussie food demo talk to my son's 4th grade class. It is actually an anti-bully message hidden in Australian words and food. It all stemmed out of my little girl getting picked on for eating spinach or spinach wraps. It went well talking to my daughters 2nd grade class last week but boy was I nervous! I am also going to do a talk for the 10th grade history class. Teenagers are one of my most favorite age groups, yet my utmost scarryest. My worst year of rejection was my first year in high school.
Allison Allen has written a book called "SHINE - Coming into the role you were made for."
She mentioned some incredibly powerful verses that she uses to cement her identity in Christ and to combat her fears of rejection. These verses will compliment my own list of "rejection repellent verses".
She boldly proclaimed a list of biblical truths collected from verses that are so grounding for my self worth and root my identity deep in The who the Lord really sees me as, and helps me to ignore and by-pass what others may or may not think of me. Especially when I am faced with seeing a family member this weekend who has rejected me many times in the past.
*"We are the apple of His eye, more than an overcomer, more than a conqueror, we are accepted in the beloved"
I added chosen and precious, from my fav verse, 1 Peter 2:4 "Rejected by men but chosen and precious in the sight of God."
I decided to look up the full verses she mentioned. I have been so blessed my each one. I hope you are blessed too and can take a stronger hold of who God see you as, for it is He who really matters.
New International Version
For this is what the LORD Almighty says: "After the Glorious One has sent me against the nations that have plundered you--for whoever touches you touches the apple of his eye-- (Zech 2:8)
I was about to tune out as this pretty woman who looked my age or younger, but was actually older than me. She looked too "Together". Then she began to pour her heart out. Despite her being in the spot light she often believed she was rejected or reject-able.
Wow me too!...without the spotlight that is.
God told her she was accepted in the beloved. She went on to say found his power is uniquely on her life when she stepped out in weakness.....Well there is some hope for me! I am about to do another Aussie food demo talk to my son's 4th grade class. It is actually an anti-bully message hidden in Australian words and food. It all stemmed out of my little girl getting picked on for eating spinach or spinach wraps. It went well talking to my daughters 2nd grade class last week but boy was I nervous! I am also going to do a talk for the 10th grade history class. Teenagers are one of my most favorite age groups, yet my utmost scarryest. My worst year of rejection was my first year in high school.
Allison Allen has written a book called "SHINE - Coming into the role you were made for."
She mentioned some incredibly powerful verses that she uses to cement her identity in Christ and to combat her fears of rejection. These verses will compliment my own list of "rejection repellent verses".
She boldly proclaimed a list of biblical truths collected from verses that are so grounding for my self worth and root my identity deep in The who the Lord really sees me as, and helps me to ignore and by-pass what others may or may not think of me. Especially when I am faced with seeing a family member this weekend who has rejected me many times in the past.
*"We are the apple of His eye, more than an overcomer, more than a conqueror, we are accepted in the beloved"
I added chosen and precious, from my fav verse, 1 Peter 2:4 "Rejected by men but chosen and precious in the sight of God."
I decided to look up the full verses she mentioned. I have been so blessed my each one. I hope you are blessed too and can take a stronger hold of who God see you as, for it is He who really matters.
New International Version
For this is what the LORD Almighty says: "After the Glorious One has sent me against the nations that have plundered you--for whoever touches you touches the apple of his eye-- (Zech 2:8)
Romans 8:31-39New International Version (NIV) More Than Conquerors
31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us,who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns?No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Ephesians 1:6 (King James 2000 Bible)
"To the praise of the glory of his grace, in which he has made us accepted in the beloved."
Sunday, January 28, 2018
I still struggle with "mean" people sometimes
I am really nervous to see a family member next Saturday. She has been subtly rude to me and other family members many times over the past 7 years. Honestly I feel really rejected by her. I have been worried about seeing her. I am not sure I will. Even though she is traveling a long way from another State to see Jeremy's big family. I do not think I'm strong enough to face her in this transitional season. I thank God my husband is loving and understanding. She just triggers the past in me too much. I feel trapped when I'm with her. I feel like I am stuck in a classroom of bullies again. She is just one person but she brings a negative vibe with her. She has been through much pain and loss. I am sad for how much loss she has suffered. Yet I have lost much too. Which is another reason why I'm just not strong enough to face her. I need some more counselling under my belt before I face her. With all this change and adjusting to life in the USA I have not had time to find more counselling. I am feeling too vulnerable right now.
I just googled how adult survivors of childhood bullying struggle with the pain of the past. It still bothers me. Especially people who I can not trust to be kind.
God is bigger than the below statistics. He has brought me so far. I have come through post traumatic stress reactions, I've come through incredible social challenges. Including being around one of my meanest childhood bullies who nursed my mother till her death. Talk about tough! But sometimes it's ok to say no. It's ok to say "I'm not ok to do this right now."
It's true what it says below. I struggle with isolation. I long to be with people I feel safe with. It takes me a long time to trust my heart with someone.
Yet I know God still chooses me. He said I am more than an overcomer. I hold on deadly to one of my favorite verses
1 Peter 2:4 "As you come to him a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious".
How Bullied Children Grow into Wounded Adults
A new longitudinal study finds children are affected by bullying throughout their lives—and reveals that even perpetrators can struggle as adults.
Thirty-eight percent of the 421 victims and bully-victims were chronically bullied—meaning that it kept happening throughout childhood. This subset often struggled the most, being poorer, less educated, and more isolated than everyone else.
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
Forgiveness is HARD alone
Recently, I woke up after yet another bad rejection nightmare. Yep I am 37 now now and I still have them. I mean I was bullied straight for 20 years of my life. I only realised it 4 years ago. It's going to take some time to heal.
I woke up ans watched a YouTube clip by Sheila Walsh on forgiveness. I love this Scottish preacher, not just because of her pretty Scottish accent but because of how real she is. I recommend you google her testimony sometime. It was encourage your heart. This woman has walked through some serious pain and the Lord has carried her through to live to tell about it. She, like me was close to ending her life.
Anyways I took notes and prayed over them. I felt the Lord lead me to share them with you.
Often after we've been hurt by others, it is so hard to forgive. For me learning to forgive without an apology was the hardest. I have old bullies out there who have never said sorry. Only two so far. I have many many old bullies.
I hope Sheila's wisdom will bless you all as much as me.
"Forgiveness is God's gift to us to live in a world that is NOT fair".
"UNforgiveness is like carrying around a heavy bag of flour"
"UN forgiveness is like kneeling on a stone stuck in your knee"
(He who is without sin let him cast the first stone John 8:7b )
"Forgiveness does NOT say that what happened to you is OK"
*It is ok to say what they did or said is wrong. You are worth being treated kindly and with respect.
"Forgiveness does NOT mean that you stay in a hurtful situation and allow someone to keep hurting you"
**This is really important. I felt for so long that I needed to be friends with my old bullies or somehow make peace with them. But some of them are still dangerous to my emotional health. Especially my old Pastor who is sadly still out there hurting other souls. It's ok to say NO MORE and end the relationship.
"Forgiveness is NOT burying your head in the sand."
"Forgiveness is not denying the pain".
*For so long I could not even recognise the bullying that had happened was wrong. My journey of being bullied started at around age 2 so I was far to young to know any better. It became my normal.
"If you don't forgive you remain trapped in what that person did and you are giving them power over you''.
"When you refuse to forgive it's like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die".
"Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to mind anyone that you have not forgiven".
*The Lord's prayer helps me with this...forgive us of our trespasses as forgive those who trespass against us
"Don't wait for somebody else to be sorry, or things to be right or fair. You step up and be the one".
"Begin a daily habit of forgiveness".
"Keep a small stone in your pocket as a reminder we have been forgiven much so help us freely forgive".
Remember that forgiveness takes time. My old Pastor Terry once told my that forgiveness is a journey. Those words have set me free. They have given my wounded heart grace and time. Sometimes I simply forgive by faith and just leave the rest to God. He can help me to forgive. Another thing that has really helped my heart heal and stay in forgiveness is to pray for the person who hurt me. Depending on the hurt this may take a while before you enjoy praying for this person/s. It has taken me about 4 years to enjoy praying for a friend who dumped me. I just saw her picture last night and my heart felt a tender love for her and y prayers feel sweet and no longer out of hardness and pain.
Prayer is very powerful. It will help you forgive and heal your heart.
I woke up ans watched a YouTube clip by Sheila Walsh on forgiveness. I love this Scottish preacher, not just because of her pretty Scottish accent but because of how real she is. I recommend you google her testimony sometime. It was encourage your heart. This woman has walked through some serious pain and the Lord has carried her through to live to tell about it. She, like me was close to ending her life.
Anyways I took notes and prayed over them. I felt the Lord lead me to share them with you.
Often after we've been hurt by others, it is so hard to forgive. For me learning to forgive without an apology was the hardest. I have old bullies out there who have never said sorry. Only two so far. I have many many old bullies.
I hope Sheila's wisdom will bless you all as much as me.
"Forgiveness is God's gift to us to live in a world that is NOT fair".
"UNforgiveness is like carrying around a heavy bag of flour"
"UN forgiveness is like kneeling on a stone stuck in your knee"
(He who is without sin let him cast the first stone John 8:7b )
"Forgiveness does NOT say that what happened to you is OK"
*It is ok to say what they did or said is wrong. You are worth being treated kindly and with respect.
"Forgiveness does NOT mean that you stay in a hurtful situation and allow someone to keep hurting you"
**This is really important. I felt for so long that I needed to be friends with my old bullies or somehow make peace with them. But some of them are still dangerous to my emotional health. Especially my old Pastor who is sadly still out there hurting other souls. It's ok to say NO MORE and end the relationship.
"Forgiveness is NOT burying your head in the sand."
"Forgiveness is not denying the pain".
*For so long I could not even recognise the bullying that had happened was wrong. My journey of being bullied started at around age 2 so I was far to young to know any better. It became my normal.
"If you don't forgive you remain trapped in what that person did and you are giving them power over you''.
"When you refuse to forgive it's like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die".
"Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to mind anyone that you have not forgiven".
*The Lord's prayer helps me with this...forgive us of our trespasses as forgive those who trespass against us
"Don't wait for somebody else to be sorry, or things to be right or fair. You step up and be the one".
"Begin a daily habit of forgiveness".
"Keep a small stone in your pocket as a reminder we have been forgiven much so help us freely forgive".
Remember that forgiveness takes time. My old Pastor Terry once told my that forgiveness is a journey. Those words have set me free. They have given my wounded heart grace and time. Sometimes I simply forgive by faith and just leave the rest to God. He can help me to forgive. Another thing that has really helped my heart heal and stay in forgiveness is to pray for the person who hurt me. Depending on the hurt this may take a while before you enjoy praying for this person/s. It has taken me about 4 years to enjoy praying for a friend who dumped me. I just saw her picture last night and my heart felt a tender love for her and y prayers feel sweet and no longer out of hardness and pain.
Prayer is very powerful. It will help you forgive and heal your heart.
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