After messaging each other back and forth and filling each other in on the last 21 years he asked me something I at first was reluctant to do. He asked me to pull out our old year books and take pics of all of the classes in year's 8 and 9.
At first I was embarrassed. I had to tell him I've penned stars next to, my worst bully's names. I told him I was a bitter teenager and tried to laugh it off, well virtually speaking. He said he did the same thing with his year books, but he had lots them and wanted to find some of our old class mates & friends. I guess he had more friend's than me I thought!
SO off I went to fetch my year books. I had recently pulled them out to take a pic of Terry's class for him. But to go through all the classes for both year levels was a different feeling. A feeling you get when you are about to go into a place that once caused you much pain and rejection. Those old "not good enough for them' feeling began to wash over me.
As I began to take pics I realized in order for Terry to read the names I would have to white out my stars that covered much of their names and carefully write their names neatly in place of my deep penned marks of honest and I thought at the time justified, hatred. Well can ya blame me they were really mean!! I almost committed suicide over those bullies!
As I went to carefully erase my unforgiveness marks, suddenly I decided to look one of them up on Facebook. Not a bully, but a friend who was my friend at lunchtime but not in class he went onto watch everyone pick on me and pretend he wasn't my friend. As I looked him up, there was a look of sadness in his now 34 year old face. I read on to find he was now single and seemed to have two young kids. Then suddenly it dawned on me. Maybe I could erase my marks and frgive them just as Jesus had done for me. Maybe I could really pray for them and let it all go. Let them off my strong wired hook of angry unfogiveness that I had help onto for so long.
Maybe this could be my moment of freedom. Freedom that comes when you truly forgive and decide to let it go. So off I went. I rewrote their names and prayed for them. I may never, ever see them again or even get a hint of an apology from any of them but it is time to heal.
This felt fantastic. For all those adults who were bullied or picked on in many or in my case most of their schooling years I can highly recommend this. To pray for them. Sometiems, like me there may ne many bullies. I was honeslty biullied bu my whole, entire year 8 class. Plus many form other classes. I was honestly the most unpopular girl in all of year 8. In all classes A-E.
You know the pain will not just magically dissapear. A wise old Pastor friend once told me forgiveness is a journey. I found my mind wondering back to those mean kids and I seriously considered sending them all a Facebook message and telling them how much pain they caused me. How much they really hurt and that I almost killed myself over their mean words and cruel behaviour.
But I decided to save my energy to tell others who were bullied. It's not easy but you can forgive. WIth God's help you really can heal. You can be set free form the bondage and strong grips of bitterness and unforgivenss.
It's funny, but as much as they hurt me I've decided to protect their identity. I amd not going to mention the school it was or any of their names. I know I wanted to scream it fromt eh roof tops once upon a time.
So give it a go. When you are ready. Go over those picture and ask God to help you forgive and pray for them. Pray they find God. Pray they have become good people iin this world. Pray they teach their children to be kind and not repeat thier mistakes.
But most of all remember, what very they said, for me it was rebel, ugly, geek, nerd etc. It's not true. You are ot what they said you are.
You are beautifully and wonderfully made. Please beleive it dear friend. Look up to the one who made you and find your worth in Him and who He says you are. It will change your life. I promise it will. it did for me!
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